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Our Garden Gang   Presents...

March Forth with Mirtha!

Mirtha on the March
Mirtha Stuwort

Hi all you goddess wannabes.  This month - back by popular demand, we are welcoming back a true gentleman, "Mr. Red Black". (Plus we are giving Rita a well-deserved break!) What are we going to talk about this month? Well who knows? Let’s get started!


Red Black between Contraptions
Red Black

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Tips on Child-rearing!

Mirtha: Welcome back Mr. Black! (Hey that rhymes!)

Red: Yer a poet and didn’t even know it ma’am. Call me Red though, ok?

Mirtha: Hmmm…. Ok…Red it is! We just had to have you back…there was so much we didn’t have time to cover in January. Like…. How about some of your tried and true child rearing tips? And pleeese call me Mirtha.

Red: Ah…ok…Mirtha. But Rita’s done most of the work in that department. I can’t take any credit for that.

With car on blocks, No. 1 son does chores!
Mouseover pic to see resulting
 behavior of No. 1 son...

Mirtha: That’s not what Rita says! Tell us about the time that one of your teenage boys would not listen to either you or Rita, but took off cruising in his car. What did you do?

Red: Well I did what any good father would do – I took his car, put it up on blocks and removed all the tires and hid them. That sure got his attention!

Mirtha: I bet it did! Did he straighten up after that?

Red: He sure did ma’am! I mean Mirtha. Though Rita didn't always approve of my methods – they sure did get results!

Mirtha: Well that’s what counts! Any other advice for the parents out there?

Red: Well I had two pieces of advice for my daughter. I advised her when out on a date, to listen to radio station KYLC.

A girl should always keep a nickel between her knees!
Mouseover to see what to 
hold between your knees
for sure-fire birth control

Mirtha: Hmmm what does that mean? Kind of afraid to ask though.

Red: (chuckles) It means "Keep Yer Legs Crossed".

Mirtha: Oh my!!!!!!! (blushes)

Red: I also told her about the 5˘ birth control method.

Mirtha: Um…and what might that be?

Red: (laughing) Keep holding a nickel between yer knees and you will be ok!

Mirtha: Oh my word!

Red: Just one final thing – Raise yer children right and they will make sure yer taken care of when you get old.

Mirtha: How sweet!

Red: Ma’am…er Mirtha, there are many things I’ve been called in my life and sweet ain't one of them!

Tips on Dry Cleaning Clothes!

Mirtha: (titters) Well...er…Red, have you come up with any new inventions lately?

What Rita had to say is CENSORED!
Mouseover Red preparing
to "dry clean" Rita's dress

Red: You might be sorry you asked that Mirtha!

Mirtha: Let me be the judge of that sir. (Mirtha bats her lashes)

Red: Hmmm…ok ….you asked for it! Let’s see now. Hey Mirtha, did you know that when you get something dry cleaned – that it’s really cleaned with a liquid chemical?

Mirtha: Yes I had heard that.

Red: I had invented a true way to "dry" clean your clothes. I borrowed one of Rita’s good dresses and fastened it with (what else?) duct tape onto the antenna of my old car. I borrowed an air compressor and let er rip!

Mirtha: Oh my – what happened?

Red: Well…rip was sure the right word! The duct tape held so good that the air compressor blew holes all through her dress.

Mirtha: LOL!!! What did poor Rita do?

Rita got a whole new wardrobe!
Mouseover Rita's dry-clean 
dress to see the end result

Red: Poor Rita……no way! I never saw a woman so furious. I can't tell you exactly what she had to say on a family site, but....her water was so hot you coulda boiled an egg in it! She grabbed my credit cards and ran into town and charged up a storm buying a whole new wardrobe!

Mirtha: I guess you could say she didn’t leave home without it!

Red: (groan) She sure didn’t!

Mirtha: Well Red, my dear, we have run out of time yet again. Sooo until next month my dears. Red? Why don’t you have the final word?

Red: Er…um…Aim high and….oh geez I said that last time!

Mirtha: Say it again!

Red: Ok! Aim high and keep yer powder dry!

Mirtha: Thanks Red.

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A special heartfelt thanks to HighPlainsDrifter
 for his wit and wisdom.

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