Mirtha: Grrr...leave me alone queenie! I need a few more days...er, I mean hours before I'm human again.

Debbie: Well you do look a bit grizzly old girl. Here's a nice double latte mocha cappachino no-cinnamon smoothie to get you going!

Mirtha: (sips gratefully) Ah, that's much better o seedy one. What's the rush about though?

Debbie: (Hands Mirtha her patented "Mirtha Stuwort" Day Planner). Check what today is, Miss M.

Mirtha: Oh my! Thanks for getting me motivated this morning. We DO have work to do! First off let's talk about: 

Debbie: Oh Mirtha?! What would you suggest for the proper gardening attire?

Mirtha: Funny you should ask that, o seedy one. This month I am launching my new line of Mirtha Stuwort gardening ensembles. Very chic indeed.

Debbie: Hmm, well what does it consist of? I am curious.

Mirtha: I'll tell you - I just love to talk about it. You know, my dear, that every gardener worth his (or her salt), may get a trifle dirty while working in their garden. So, being the practical person that I am, I have invented a new material called, "M-Tex." The dirt just rolls right off it.

Debbie: Wow Mirtha! Do you realize that this means for you?

Mirtha: Yes - about approximately 50 million dollars. Oh! You're not talking about money, are you?

Debbie: Um, no Mirtha, but never mind. I am practical too, so I just wear whatever is handy. I have even been known to pull weeds in my jammies.

Mirtha: You have weeds in your jammies? I always knew you were a bit strange queenie dear.

Thinking of Mom

Debbie: Don't go there Mirtha! Just don't go there! Let's change the subject. Did you know we have one thing in common?

Mirtha: And what might that be? Now it's my turn to be curious.

Debbie: Well. we each have a mother!

Mirtha: Oh my heavens! Does this mean we're sisters?

Debbie: No, no, no! (God forbid!) I mean we each have a different mother.  And since Mother's Day is coming up, how about a lovely gift basket to show how much we appreciate her?

Mirtha: Oh that does sound lovely!  I hope the readers check out our whimisical ODE TO MOTHERS!

Debbie: I have a problem Mirtha. Last year I planted some annuals and some critters used them as salad.

Mirtha: Aha! I have just the cure for you. Go to your hairdresser and ask them to save all their "sweepings" for you. The hair repels your unwanted guests. (I wonder if Magisark would let us give her a haircut - she has such gorgeous long hair!)

Debbie: Wowsers! I am going to try that. I have a hint for you too. I had squirrels eating my carefully planted bulbs until I started sprinkling good old baby powder on them. Works like a charm.

Mirtha: Hey that's easy. I can handle that. Want to hear a really wild idea?

Debbie: Sure - let's hear it!

Mirtha: I know of a sure fire way to keep deer out of your garden without resorting to building fences and other such enclosures. Well...er...um. I don't know how to phrase this - but - um - oh heck I am just going to say it.  Here goes: have a male (human) "liquidate" around the perimeter of your garden. That REALLY repels the deer. They won't go where that "smell" is present.

Debbie: Oh sheesh Mirtha - I really am going to find me a man now! But what do you do Mirtha? You...um...don't have a man either.

Mirtha: Money, dear, money. A little green works wonders.

Debbie: You mean you pay someone to come over and er..? LOL! You are truly one-of-a-kind!

Mirtha: Yes - and we are quite a pair!

Debbie: On that note, let's bid adieu! Say goodbye Mirtha.

Mirtha: Goodbye Mirtha.

Goodbye and happy Mothers' Day!